What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
