hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
