So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
