I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
