he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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