even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize