the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
