you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
