This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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