i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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