we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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