If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize