talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
