You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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