your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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