whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
