I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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