just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
