i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
