PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
