ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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