dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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