Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize