You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
