two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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