the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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