I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
