Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
