I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
