I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
