She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize