I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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