I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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