apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
