I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
