the condom got lost in my hair
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
