I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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