Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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