Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
