the condom got lost in my hair
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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