Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
