i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
