my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
