haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
