And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
