Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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