I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
