I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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