At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize