Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Randomize
