i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
