Sry I called you an 8
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
