cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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