New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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