We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
