Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
