I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
