The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
