Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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