end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
