Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
