3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was born a porn star she said
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Help. Why am I so naked?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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