I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
