the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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