dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Shame is for Republicans.
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