dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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