I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
